I need help here, my fiances cousin is supposed to be my junior bridesmaid, her mom and his mom saw the dress?

back in january and now after the other girls have ordered their dresses, they now say they don't want to pay for that dress for her, because she will only wear it once, its a dress that can be cut off and be worn again. they are trying to tell me that they will not get the dress at the price because she has growth spruts in the summer, and the shop told me it can be ordered with extra length. i bend over backwards to please his family but i want all the girls in the same and i feel his folks could help if its a money issue since they are not helping pay for the wedding.they are now trying to tell me that they want me to find a different dress that her shoes should be black and not silver like the others and are telling me what to do.


help me here what can i do to regain the upper hand with out being insulting because it hurts me that its their way or no way

I need help here, my fiances cousin is supposed to be my junior bridesmaid, her mom and his mom saw the dress?
Oh wow how selfish are they!!


I would suggest that they either respect your wishes or they are going to be letting HER down as you will not alter your plans now, especially after they have been ordered.


If it comes down to it, you might have to find a way to pay for it yourselves %26amp; have her pay you back when she can or find another bridesmaid. thats not an easy option Im sure but her family need to realise that thats whats going to happen if they dont support your ideas.


You just gain the upper hand by standing strong %26amp; not allowing anyone to dictate to you how your wedding will pan out. Try %26amp; come up with alternatives to paying for it, especially if you are not willing to change anything...and so you shouldnt.


Compromise on the price if thats the issue. As for the shoes, honestly, tell them it is not an option for her to wear different ones. Ask them to imagine how outof place the girl is going to feel if she has to look completely different to the rest of the bridesmaids simply because her family refused to see past their own selves.


best of luck %26amp; congrats on the wedding ;o)
Reply:If she is going to be in the bridal party, it would be their responsibility to pay for the clothing.





Also, traditionally, a "Junior Bridesmaid" does not wear the same dress as the bridesmaids. They are typically plainer, complimenting the bridesmaids dresses, but generally are not very expensive and frilly.
Reply:Politely explain to her parents (or have your fiance do it) that you don't think it's fair for you to foot the bill for the junior bridesmaid. Black shoes are much more likely to be worn again than silver ones - you have pragmatism on your side here. Calmly explain that your vision of the wedding involves your bridesmaids looking wonderful in the same style dress. Try to explain why you want to do things they way you do.





As for the adults bossing you around, you can try to ask for their suggestions in other areas that you're more flexible about and/or that they have expertise. They may not feel as included as they feel they "should."





Try to keep in mind that weddings are stressful (well duh) for everyone involved. Be as patient and understanding as you can - you're off to a great start!





If all else fails, are you willing to cut the cousin from the wedding party? Which is more important to you? What does your fiance think about all this? If you have a bridesmaid you can confide in, I'm sure she could help.





One thing I don't recommend is adopting the Bridezilla attitude - that won't get you what you want or make you any friends. EDIT: You didn't sound like a Bridezilla at all - you sound very kind! I would hate to see another nice person go to the "dark side," as it were.





You seem like a very sweet person; it's sad that weddings can turn people a little crazy. Good luck to you and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!!





Yikes, I hope you get this mess resolved soon!
Reply:EXPLAIN TO THE DRESSMAKER YOUR PROBLEM. MAYBE SHE CAN HAVE YOUR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW,FUTURE AUNT AND THE JUNIOR BRIDES MAID IN FOR A FITTING AND EXPLAIN TO THEM ABOUT THE DRESS AND SHOES.
Reply:first you need to let EVERYONE know it is your wedding and that it will go your way and if they don't agree the can just sit quietly and watch. and then you need to talk to your fiance cause he needs to be the one to stop his family from walking over you and if he cant may be you two need some type of counseling cause if hes not going to take up for you with his family there might be other situations hell do the same. also you need to stop your family from walking over you.
Reply:I would just tell them your sorry but thats what all the other girls are wearing and if they dont want to buy her the dress and shoes then your sorry but she cant be in the wedding. why should she get special treatment over the other girls? I'm not one to say they who "its your wedding and you should have things they way you want them" and blah bla blah, but in this case, they are just making excuses. no matter what dress you pick...if she has growth spirts then she has growth spirts. and if this dress can be cut then there is no problem with it not being used again (not to mention most bm dresses arent worn again) and whats the problem with silver shoes? if they want her in the wedding then they can buy her the clothes or have her just be a guest. dont let family run your wedding plans for you. dont be afraid to stand up to those who try. good luck and congrats!
Reply:Then tell your to-be cousin that her parents don't want to pay for the dress, then unfortunately she will not be able to stand up for the wedding. It just wouldn't be fair to make the other bride's maids pay for their dresses, and you'd pay for hers. Simply put, you have to be fair to the other bride's maids. Nothing you can do, it's up to her parents.





Inform the 'other women' that this is your wedding, and you simply will not compromise. There are years and years of compromise to come...until those marriage years start, you don't have to. PERIOD.
Reply:You should tell them that the girl must wear the dress that you have choosen and the shoes. If they still refuse, pay for it. If it is that important to you, then you will find some way to make it happen. Remeber: it's your wedding!
Reply:tell them that you just can't afford to pay for the dress yourself, and you don't want to have a conflicting dress in the ceremony, so unfortunately if they don't pay for the dress then the cousin can't be in the wedding
Reply:Is you fiance supportive? The bride gets to make the decisions. If they don't want her to be in the wedding, then you will accept their decision. If they do, then that's the dress with silver shoes. And you probably won't wear your dress


again either. ( My MIL didn't like having to wear a long dress for our wedding, but she did when I didn't back down. Same reason, she wouldn't wear it again. Complained to my mom who said none of us would. Go Mom!)
Reply:It is your wedding. If he is not able to stand up to these people now what will future events be like? Keep all of this in mind, and talk with him about it becoming such an issue. I would not pay for her dress. I would explain to these people that the requirements for MY wedding are this dress and shoes. Explain to them that you will not be offended at all if they would like to withdraw her if money is an issue for them. (put the ball in their court) Let them think you have realized it may be a hardship for them. If that is the case it will give them a chance to bow out. If they are just doing it to be difficult, then they will either feel bad or pitch a fit, if the fit happens then tell them to keep the peace you have replaced the daughter to keep down the tension. That due to all the issues everyone was having you decided to easy the tension and ask a back up person. That you appriciate all that everyone feels, but with the date closely approaching, you had to do something. To keep peace, you made the exective call to replace and let everyone be happy. I would also keep in mind, and let him know, that if he is not able to support you now, then you might want to think about that one reallly close.
Reply:Since they originally agreed on the dress they should stick with it and the same goes with the shoes. I think you should tell them this is your wedding and you were trying to include his family as well and if she is going to be in the wedding she will have to wear that dress as the other women have already ordered their dresses. If they refuse to then tell them she will no longer be in the wedding. If you dont take a stand now and let your future mother-in-law know that she does not make the decisions, this will continue throughout your marriage. Tell your fiance that what his mom and cousin are doing is wrong and that you expect him to support you.
Reply:Say, I'm sorry but I do not have the energy to accomdate your requests , her having a different dress or shoes will totally spoil my day for me. She canniot be in the wedding.
Reply:first, you should talk to your fiance. he should be siding with you and not letting his family walk all over you. second, you should clearly let them know that this is YOUR wedding. be nice about it, but be firm and don't back down. if they refuse to give in, politely suggest an alternitive role for her. this is your wedding, you don't want to insult anyone, but by not following with your wishes, they are insulting you.
Reply:It sounds like to me that they are just trying to get out of the wedding. Why else would they wait till now to tell you they don't want to pay for the dress and now they don't like the color!? If I were you I would tell them that if they want her in the wedding then she has to wear the dress you picked out, period. If they want to fuss about it then don't let her be in it. It's their choice, by the dress or don't be in the wedding. It is your wedding! You just tell them to accept it or stand aside.
Reply:Is there a way for you to buy the dress for her, with the understanding that after the wedding the dress is your property, then put it on EBay and try to get some of that money back...that way she could still be in the wedding, they are not "stuck" with a dress she'll only wear once. Not sure about the shoes, I'm clueless when it comes to what looks good with what.





As for you feeling you are being over-run, thank them very politely for their input and that you will put it to consideration. Just know you are marrying into this family you are not only marrying the guy you're getting his family also, it's a package deal. They may not even realize how their comments are hurtful unless you say something to them. (I do it all the time, say something seemingly innocent to me, but it hurtful to the other person)





Good Luck, keep your chin up, it'll get better..go to your "happy place" (you and your guy alone on the honeymoon!)
Reply:It's your wedding. If her parents want her in the wedding they'll pay for the dress. If not, replace her with your apologies to her. As for your fiance, if he can't stand up for you now, what will happen when you are married. Sit down with all involved parties and tell them what you expect, if they can't abide with your wishes (as long s you are being reasonable), then exclude them from the planning process. The day is about you and your spouse to be. Not them.



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